Singing Out on the Back Row

     Sunday, and I am still power-thinking away. On the spur of the moment this morning, I decided to go to church; this was scary for me and put my trusting God to the test.  Why is going to church scary?  Well, beside the usual nervousness about going to a new place, and going alone, I was concerned about how my husband might react.  He does not have much interest in church at this point, and Sunday is his only day off work, so I felt bad about going off on my own.  He said it was fine, so I was stripped of my “excuse” and off I went.  It was a good experience, and I felt very at peace being in God’s house on the Sabbath Day.  I was welcomed and enjoyed the service.  Afterward, the lady who occupied the back row with me invited me to a women’s Sunday school class, and the pastor invited me to attend choir practice.  Apparently he had a good view of me singing my heart out on the back row.  Isn’t that just the cliché?  The back-row Christian?  Well, it was a step in the right direction for me.  I did have the thought in my head that I would go to church, but that I would try to find one big enough so that I could “hide.”  Not very sassy, spunky, and spirited of me, huh?  Aside from the back row thing, this actually was an s-cubed moment.  It took a lot of courage for me to go, introduce myself, and sing out.  I am glad I did, but it still feels uncomfortable.

     I don’t want to let past church experiences affect my life now.  I am nervous about getting pulled into something, becoming involved too fast, or becoming over-involved.  I am not sure if I will go back, if I will try the choir practice or the Sunday school class.  I still feel unsettled about being away from my husband too much.  All of that has been swirling around in my mind today.  I am not going to worry about it though.  I am going to trust God to get me to where I am supposed to be.  I am going to trust God with my schedule.  I am going trust God to orchestrate how much I’m gone and how much I am home.  I am going to trust God with where I go to church and with how involved or uninvolved I am. I am going to trust God to move me from the back row, or not.   I am going to trust God with my husband’s feelings and attitudes.  I am going to trust that God will show me what to do and help me to do it when the time comes.

      Ah…Enter peace.  Peace comes from trusting God.

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